I shaved yesterday, and I feel naked.. lol
I can't stroke my baby goatee anymore
.. but I already have some definite stubble goin on. It's not really visible, but I can feel it. I'm going to grow it out for a couple of weeks and see what happens. I will take pictures.
I like the fact that I *have* to shave, because it means I have some hair on my face.. but then after I shave, I'm sad, because I don't have that hair anymore.. lol

Day 2 and I already have some coarse dark hairs poking through!

I've been feeling rather self conscious again lately..
My binder ripped again.. this time, in the mesh.. and it won't sew back together.. so I'm really upset about that.. it just won't bind properly anymore.
I've also been getting "she'd" alot in public again, and it's really bothering me. I don't understand why.. because for the past month, I haven't had much of that at all.. then suddenly I have several days in a row, several times a day, of people doing it..

I am, however, completely stealth in my DBT skills class.. and no one has any idea there at all, that I'm female-bodied.. so that's kind of cool.
I'm just sad that I'm not passing as much as I seemed to be just a bit ago. *sigh*
That and the boy I'm seeing kinda said he likes my boobs.. so that gave me a bit of a dysphoric moment as well.
I have my fifth shot today..
Since I started injections, here's everything that's happened:

- My voice has dropped to the point where I don't have to force it down anymore.. it's just naturally quite low.

- I have an extremely hairy face. Of course, most of it is fuzz, and it's lighter colored.. but I have a baby hair goatee goin on.. haha.
There is more hair on my chin now.. and darker, too.. -- than it was in that picture I posted last. It's growing fast now.
I still haven't shaved.. I don't wanna =(
.. but before I do (IF I do), I will post a mascara pic.

- The hair all over my body, especially my thighs and arms has gotten darker, coarser, and thicker.

- My cheekbones have disappeared completely.. they used to be very prominent.. but now, you can't see them at all.

- My jaw has widened, and my face has squared off. My nose even seems to have widened a bit.. and my brow bone seems bigger somehow.

- My you-know-what is apparently huge for someone who's only been on T for 8 months.

- My hips, waist, and ass have shrunk drastically. I think I dropped at least one pant size. The lack of curves really helps with passing.

Not so pleasant changes: I sweat very easily, my skin is very oily, I think about sex like 23578925987 times a day, and I've lost my entire mid vocal range.

Like I said before, I pass pretty much everywhere now, except at the gay bars.
I probably wouldn't pass at any bar, come to think of it.. because I look about sixteen.. and in order to get into a bar, you have to be 18.. lol
But yeah, out in public, I definitely pass. And if there are moments when I don't, all I have to do is say "I'm a dude", and they quickly correct themselves without batting an eyelash. They don't doubt me when I tell them that now. Before, they would. They'd do that thing where they'd stare directly at my chest, or look at my crotch for evidence. I HATE it when people do that.. lol.. it's so.. dehumanizing.
I had my third injection on Friday..
over these past couple weeks, alot has changed..
my voice is dropping really fast.. I seem to be losing weight.. my waist and my ass are disappearing.. my jeans are falling off of me.. my thigh hair is getting alot thicker.. my chin is alot fuzzier -- though I'm scared to shave my face.. heh
I've calmed way down, emotionally.. I'm pretty even-keeled these days.. except for when I had about 300 people telling me that I should "just admit I'm a dyke"(by a bunch of bitter roid monkeys on a bodybuilding forum).. I kinda lost it there.. but I'm fine now, for the most part. I've been feeling a little down lately, but I know it's not related to the T. It's something else entirely.. and it's not really fixable, so I just try not to think about it.
Nowadays, there are times I don't even TRY to pass, and I do..
so, that's good. I still don't pass 100 % though.. and probably won't until my chest is flat.
Another thing I've noticed is, I'm alot stronger now. People that used to beat me at arm wrestling can't beat me anymore.. I sit there pushing my hand against theirs, waiting for them to "start trying".. lol.. it feels like they're not trying.. then I slowly push their arm down.. haha..
.. and I'm pretty sure my muscle mass is increasing. I want to start lifting weights, but I don't have the funds to go to the gym yet. I'll probably just lift 4 litre milk jugs filled with water or something.. hah

I bumped into a friend today who hadn't seen me in just two weeks.. and she said I've changed alot since the last time she saw me.. she said my face looks different. I don't see it yet.. but people are telling me my face has changed.. and today, everyone was bugging me about how fuzzy my face is starting to get.. lol
I guess I need to shave..
I haven't shaved since I started injections though..
I'm kinda scared to.. because my fuzz is partly what's helping me pass. My voice helps too, but the hair is a big help.

Voice clip time:

The highest my voice can go at 8 months on T:

The lowest my voice can go at 8 months on T:

The toddler voice at 8 months on T:
So far, on the weekly shots.. I am doing really well..
I seem to have calmed down even more.. I'm happy.. more energetic.. my voice is dropping VERY fast.. I can barely do the toddler voice anymore -- I'm definitely losing the ability to do it..
The body hair is getting thicker and more coarse.. I have a mini-goatee goin on.. my mustache is insane..
My face looks so different already.. my butt is shrinking again.. I think I'm losing weight..
I like what's happening.. I just don't like that I'm breaking out with pimples again.. ack!

I'm not usually full of myself.. but I'm turning into one very sexy boy!

So yeah.. everything is going surprisingly well, with me being on the shot! .. I can't believe it.. I am actually quite surprised how calm and level and happy I am.. and I just had a really crappy day the other day.. I was starving, had no money, and got kicked out of my house..
But I wiped away my tears, packed up my things, and did what I had to do to fix the situation.
My doctor switched me to injections!!
I had my first shot yesterday!.. eeeeee!
I felt like I was floating on a happy cloud all day.. I am SO happy, I can't describe it!

Yes, there was some concern, both from me and my doctor.. about the injection agitating my pre-existing mental issues.. but my moods have been very stable this past while, and I have been frustrated at how slow the changes were coming.. so I asked my doctor if I could possibly switch to weekly injections.
He agreed, but said we will keep a close eye on things, and if there are any drastic mood changes, I will be switched back to the gel. He would not do bi-weekly shots.. understandably so.. I didn't want them, anyway. That's just too much T in my system at once.

Another reason I wanted to switch was.. the gel costs 150 dollars a month.. and is not covered by my prescription plan. The injectable forms of testosterone are completely covered by said prescription plan..
There was also the issue of convenience.
It's so hard to remember to apply the gel.. and you have to make sure you've showered first, or you have to wait until 6 hours after you've applied it, to shower.
With the weekly injection, all I have to do is go to the doctors office once a week, and get injected by a nurse.

I left for Edmonton early Tuesday morning.. the bus was delayed by an hour though. I got to Edmonton two hours before my appointment, but took a cab to the hospital right away, and went to Dr. Warnekes'soffice.
Because I got there early, he saw me early.. I saw one of his interns first though. I didn't like her.. and didn't understand why it was necessary for me to talk to her. I didn't understand why Dr. Warneke couldn't just ask me those questions himself.
Anyways, he wanted to talk surgery.. as did I.
Talking about a hysterectomy was an option, but I opted out of getting a referral for that, for the time being. I told him I'm more concerned about chest surgery right now. I explained that it's very difficult to pass because my chest is so large.. and that I often don't want to leave the house, because I'm so self conscious about it.. he then told me that he knows that sometimes it's impossible for a transguy to do his RLT before he's had chest surgery, and that he will sent in a referral to Dr. De Haas, right away. (Dr. De Haas is a plastic surgeon here in Calgary, who actually works out of the hospital I was in.)
Logan (my ex boyfriend) got a referral to the same guy.. and went for his consult a couple months ago. He told me De Haas said that he will not operate on anyone who hasn't done at least 3 years of RLT and been on Testosterone for at least a year.
I told Warneke this, and Warneke said he's never heard of that before. He said that if he gives the referral, the surgeon will trust his opinion, and not make a person wait that long. He wondered if it was him who gave the referral, or just Jablonski. I remember that Jablonski did originally give Logan the referral.. but I had thought he had a second one sent in by Warneke.
Warneke did tell me to call De Haas's office in a week, if they haven't already called me. He also said that if De Haas tells me I have to go by the standards he mentioned to Logan, I should contact him and tell him.. and then he'll talk to De Haas personally.. because it's not right that he make a person wait that long. In the Standards Of Care, it says a person doesn't have to do their RLT for more than a year, before being eligible for SRS, never mind chest surgery.. and most surgeons don't require a patient to be on hormones at all, before they operate.
Hopefully I don't have to wait too long.

By the way, I fixed my binder. Sewed it all up.. it's ike new now =). but I'm still probably going to buy another one soon.
I'm passing ALOT more now.. it's awesome.. I'm not used to it yet.. so it makes me giddy everytime it happens.. I even pass on the phone -- some telemarketer called me the other day and kept calling me "sir".. and the taxi driver called me "sir" twice, in person.. and the other day, some dude sitting at the computer next to me said "take it easy, bud" when he was saying good night to me and going back to his room (I'm in the hospital at the moment, for a medical problem)..
SO not used to all this.. lol.. but I'm loving it.

I ripped my binder today.. when I was trying to adjust it..
I'm really sad..
It was right in the armpit area.. so I'm spilling out all over the place.. and sadly it's the only binder I have now.. =(

I have hair EVERYWHERE!
Here's some pictures:




Inner thigh



Toes (EW!)


The hair is starting to become noticeable.
I have hair on my hands now.. the arm hair continues darkening..
I'm getting some fuzz on my tummy.
I have visible dark hairs on my chin and underneath it.. they're also getting coarser..
my leg hair has been thickening..
My voice is definitely deeper..
My face is way more masculine..
The horniness is more insane than ever. I have to j/o like 8 times a day to be satisfied.. hahaha..
I'm passing more now.. not 100%, but it's definitely getting better.
I'm hungry all the time, and I can consume my body weight in food and still be hungry.. haha..
I'm feeling much more aggressive.. and ragey.. alot..
If someone or something annoys me, I have to take a step back and remind myself it's not worth it, to punch the person.. heh.
My shoulders are broader.. my muscle has increased.. so has my strength..
I don't know what else..
People who knew me pre-T, and haven't seen me in 6 months or more, don't even recognize me..
I honestly don't think I've changed THAT much.. but according to them, I have.
and when I call home, my own dad doesn't recognize my voice.
I ask for mom, and he tells me I've got the wrong number.. LOL
on the phone, when using the low part of my voice (I can still alternate), I pass 100%.
So, things are coming along.. but it's been 6 months now.. and it doesn't feel like it's been even 4 yet with what little change I've had. The gel is frustratingly slow.
My thighs are so hairy!!
.. and guys, my voice is finally dropping! friends at the bar last night were amazed at the change in it!

me: "hi Josh"
Josh: "well HELLO, mr. Dominic! might I say you look good.."
me: "why, thank you!"
Josh: ".. and OH MY, your voice has dropped!"